How to be confident | How to be more confident | How to build self confidence | How to build self esteem
 

How To Be Confident –
Changing Your Self Perception

  

Woman thinking about how to be confidentIs low self-esteem holding you back in life? Do you find yourself wishing you knew how to be more confident? It may seem like some people have all the luck and are born with confidence. However, a more accurate description would be this: confidence, like a young plant, is nurtured and grown. But trauma, harsh criticism, bullying and rejection can chip away at your self-esteem, leaving you feeling vulnerable and unsure of who you are - and what you're capable of.  And contrary to popular belief, having self-confidence has nothing to do with your personality. Introverts... extroverts... outgoing and shy people are ALL equally capable of being confident and happy. Before discussing how to build self-confidence, let's first clear up some common misconceptions of what it means to be confident.

 

The Difference Between
Confidence and Arrogance

 

Although arrogance is often mistaken for confidence, the two couldn't be more different! Self-confidence comes from self-acceptance. To be confident is to be sure of your abilities and to acknowledge your own value and worth. On the other hand, arrogance is a mask for insecurity. So while an arrogant person seeks to draw attention to himself and his accomplishments, a confident person is simply secure in him or herself (flaws and all), yet brings out the best in others. Arrogance pushes people away. Confidence draws others to you. Why are people drawn to a self-confident person? Simply put, someone who has self-confidence radiates trustworthiness. When people see that you are true to yourself, they know they can count on you to be true to your fellow human beings! Is it any wonder that women are drawn to confident men? Over the years that I've coached people on how to build self-confidence, many guys have called me wanting to know how to be more confident around women. What many people fail to understand is that being confident around a woman is not an act. It starts with learning how to build self-esteem, accepting yourself as you are, working on your strengths, and being okay with your weaknesses!  You might remember an episode of Seinfeld, where George Costanza tells his friends that he's tired of making all the same decisions - and getting nowhere. So he decides to do the opposite of everything he's done before. Instead of being afraid to talk to women, and being ashamed of his job or living status, he walks right up to a beautiful woman and boldly says, "Hi, I'm George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents." He was shocked to see her sit up with sudden interest!  Even though this is a comical spin on a fictitious event, it still makes a good point – women are more attracted to an "average" man who radiates confidence, than they are to men who are either insecure or have over-inflated egos.

 

In addition to working one-on-one with a Professional Life Coach, the following tips are useful when learning how to build self-esteem and be more confident:

 

12 Tips For Building Self Confidence

Accept Your Strengths AND Weaknesses – Being self-confident is not about being the best at something. It's about being okay with what you're good at, and what you're not so good at.

Never Compare – Don't fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. They're living a different life, and they have their own issues, struggles, weaknesses, and strengths. The only type of comparison it's okay to make is comparing your past self to your present self to see how far you've come and what you're capable of!

Be Grateful – Start practicing gratitude in all things. For example, when someone pays you a compliment, don't dismiss it. Accept compliments graciously. This has a dual purpose – not only are you allowing yourself to feel good, but the person who paid you a compliment feels good when it's well received.

Contribute – Be aware of your surroundings, and offer help when you see a need for it. Offering a kind word and a helping hand creates a sense of purpose, and when you have purpose, you're better able to appreciate your inherent value and worth. Remember, building self-confidence is not about focusing on yourself, it's about focusing on what you have to offer others!

Speak Up – Maybe you're the shy type. And that's okay. But learning when and how to use your voice is a powerful tool. Maybe you've noticed a more efficient way to accomplish something at work. Or maybe you have a question that others are too timid to ask. Perhaps you've noticed someone who looks like they need a word of encouragement. Speaking up can benefit not only yourself, but also others in ways you might never imagine.

Think of Failure as One Step Toward Success – It's okay to fail. No, actually… it's GOOD to fail. Failing is an opportunity to learn. Without a reason to learn, we stop improving. Don't berate yourself for failing. Congratulate yourself for being one step closer to succeeding!

Change Your Perception of Rejection – There's nothing like the sting of rejection, especially if you already struggle with low self-esteem. However, rejection is a normal part of life for everyone. The key to not allowing rejection to chip away at your self-confidence is to see it from a healthy perspective. In other words, when someone rejects an idea or proposal, they are rejecting what that idea means to them and where they are in life at that moment. Have you ever been turned down when asking a woman out? You may never know what her story is – maybe you remind her of an ex. Maybe she's struggling with some fears of her own. In any case, this is your time to move on and let that rejection be part of HER story, not yours.

Physical Fitness – You don't have to be a body builder. You don't need to take up a competitive sport. But taking care of yourself is very important when learning how to be more confident. Make improvements in your eating habits, and take time for exercise – which can be as simple as adding an evening walk to your routine. You'll feel better physically and mentally.

Appearance – When you value yourself, and it's reflected in your appearance, people will notice and take you more seriously. This doesn't mean you'll need to stock your closet with designer clothes. But do keep yourself clean and well-groomed. And take care of your clothes - keep them clean, folded and unwrinkled. Besides, when you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, your self-confidence gets an instant boost!

Posture – Body language speaks volumes. Subconscious thoughts and feelings are reflected in the way we physically hold ourselves. Maintaining good posture will not only help you appear more confident, it will also keep you mindful of your thought patterns when you feel yourself slouching and slumping.

Focus on What You Want, Not on What You Fear – It's a proven fact. What we choose to focus on becomes our reality. When you focus on your fears, that's what you'll notice most. When you focus on what you want, the path you'll need to reach those goals begins falling into place.

Following these tips is a great starting point for building self-esteem and confidence, but if you're truly serious about learning how to be confident, working with a Life Coach can help pinpoint specific areas you struggle with, while helping you develop the tools necessary for growth and personal fulfillment. To schedule an appointment for a free initial consultation with a Certified Life Coach, click here.

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