How To Be Confident –
Changing Your Self Perception
Is low self-esteem holding you back in life? Do you find yourself wishing you knew how to be more confident? It may seem like
some people have all the luck and are born with confidence. However, a more accurate description
would be this: confidence, like a young plant, is nurtured and grown. But trauma, harsh criticism, bullying and
rejection can chip away at your self-esteem, leaving you feeling vulnerable and unsure of who you are - and what
you're capable of. And contrary to popular belief, having self-confidence has nothing to do
with your personality. Introverts... extroverts... outgoing and shy people are ALL equally capable of being
confident and happy. Before discussing how to build self-confidence, let's first clear up some common
misconceptions of what it means to be confident.
The Difference Between
Confidence and Arrogance
Although arrogance is often mistaken for
confidence, the two couldn't be more different! Self-confidence comes from self-acceptance. To be confident is to
be sure of your abilities and to acknowledge your own value and worth. On the other hand, arrogance is a mask for
insecurity. So while an arrogant person seeks to draw attention to himself and his accomplishments, a confident
person is simply secure in him or herself (flaws and all), yet brings out the best in others. Arrogance pushes
people away. Confidence draws others to you. Why are people drawn to a self-confident person? Simply put, someone
who has self-confidence radiates trustworthiness. When people see that you are true to yourself, they know they can
count on you to be true to your fellow human beings! Is it any wonder that women are drawn to confident men? Over
the years that I've coached people on how to build self-confidence, many guys have called me wanting to know how to
be more confident around women. What many people fail to understand is that being confident around a woman is not
an act. It starts with learning how to build self-esteem, accepting yourself as you are, working on your strengths,
and being okay with your weaknesses! You might remember an episode of Seinfeld, where George
Costanza tells his friends that he's tired of making all the same decisions - and getting nowhere. So he decides to
do the opposite of everything he's done before. Instead of being afraid to talk to women, and being ashamed of his
job or living status, he walks right up to a beautiful woman and boldly says, "Hi, I'm George. I'm unemployed and I
live with my parents." He was shocked to see her sit up with sudden interest! Even though this
is a comical spin on a fictitious event, it still makes a good point – women are more attracted to an "average" man
who radiates confidence, than they are to men who are either insecure or have over-inflated egos.
In addition to working one-on-one with a
Professional Life Coach, the following tips are useful when
learning how to build self-esteem and be more confident:
12 Tips For
Building Self Confidence
Strengths AND Weaknesses – Being self-confident is not
about being the best at something. It's about being okay with what you're good at, and what you're not so good
– Don't fall into the trap of comparing yourself to
others. They're living a different life, and they have their own issues, struggles, weaknesses, and strengths. The
only type of comparison it's okay to make is comparing your past self to your present self to see how far you've
come and what you're capable of!
– Start practicing gratitude in all things. For
example, when someone pays you a compliment, don't dismiss it. Accept compliments graciously. This has a dual
purpose – not only are you allowing yourself to feel good, but the person who paid you a compliment feels good when
it's well received.
– Be aware of your surroundings, and offer help when
you see a need for it. Offering a kind word and a helping hand creates a sense of purpose, and when you have
purpose, you're better able to appreciate your inherent value and worth. Remember, building self-confidence is not
about focusing on yourself, it's about focusing on what you have to offer others!
Up – Maybe you're the shy type. And that's okay. But
learning when and how to use your voice is a powerful tool. Maybe you've noticed a more efficient way to accomplish
something at work. Or maybe you have a question that others are too timid to ask. Perhaps you've noticed someone
who looks like they need a word of encouragement. Speaking up can benefit not only yourself, but also others in
ways you might never imagine.
Failure as One Step Toward Success – It's okay to
fail. No, actually… it's GOOD to fail. Failing is an opportunity to learn. Without a reason to learn, we stop
improving. Don't berate yourself for failing. Congratulate yourself for being one step closer to
Perception of Rejection – There's nothing like the
sting of rejection, especially if you already struggle with low self-esteem. However, rejection is a normal part of
life for everyone. The key to not allowing rejection to chip away at your self-confidence is to see it from
a healthy perspective. In other words, when someone rejects an idea or proposal, they are rejecting what that idea
means to them and where they are in life at that moment. Have you ever been turned down when asking a woman out?
You may never know what her story is – maybe you remind her of an ex. Maybe she's struggling with some fears of her
own. In any case, this is your time to move on and let that rejection be part of HER story, not
Fitness – You don't have to be a body builder. You
don't need to take up a competitive sport. But taking care of yourself is very important when learning how to be
more confident. Make improvements in your eating habits, and take time for exercise – which can be as simple as
adding an evening walk to your routine. You'll feel better physically and mentally.
When you value yourself, and it's reflected in your appearance, people will notice and take you more
seriously. This doesn't mean you'll need to stock your closet with designer clothes. But do keep yourself clean and
well-groomed. And take care of your clothes - keep them clean, folded and unwrinkled. Besides, when you look good,
you feel good. And when you feel good, your self-confidence gets an instant boost!
Posture – Body
language speaks volumes. Subconscious thoughts and feelings are reflected in the way we physically hold ourselves.
Maintaining good posture will not only help you appear more confident, it will also keep you mindful of your
thought patterns when you feel yourself slouching and slumping.
Focus on What
You Want, Not on What You Fear – It's a proven fact.
What we choose to focus on becomes our reality. When you focus on your fears, that's what you'll notice most. When
you focus on what you want, the path you'll need to reach those goals begins falling into place.
tips is a great starting point for building self-esteem and confidence, but if you're truly serious about learning
how to be confident, working with a Life Coach can help pinpoint specific areas you struggle with, while helping
you develop the tools necessary for growth and personal fulfillment. To schedule an appointment for a free initial
consultation with a Certified Life Coach, click here.