how to deal with a break up | healing a broken heart | relationship help | personal coaching

Healing a Broken Heart, Dignity Intact:
How to Deal with a Break Up

Healing a Broken Heart | How to Deal with a Break UpIn the agony unique to the recently dumped, you are clueless as to how to deal with a break up. Naturally, you just try to make it all go away. You eat, shop, go clubbing with friends - who are all too willing to buy you Jagermeister shots - and to top things off, you engage in some rebound sex with a couple of strangers. While there's no magic cure for heartache, such escapist behaviors are not an effective strategy for healing a broken heart.

Fortunately, there are several steps you can take to feel better and learn to love again.

Healing a Broken Heart Tip # 1:
The Relationship Detox

It may be tempting to think that the time spent apart from your ex will prompt him or her to want you back. However, holding onto such hope will not teach you how to deal with a break up, as you need to accept the painful reality of the situation. If you want to move on, try a Relationship Detox instead. Like a traditional detoxification, this process will be a physical, emotional, and mental cleansing of the "toxins" that keep you feeling so terrible.

Healing a Broken Heart -
Do Some Housekeeping

To begin with, you must physically get rid of the things that remind you of your ex. This involves more than just making arrangements to return his or her sweatpants and toothbrushes. Healing a broken heart means preventing it from crumbling into even more pieces by avoiding everything from the radio stations to the traffic lights that remind you of your former flame.

How to Deal with a Break Up -
Stop Communicating with Your Ex

Most importantly, you should stop all communication with your ex for a considerable period of time. (Many dating experts recommend a two month minimum). Do yourself a favor by putting down that phone and reducing your text message package as well. The cutoff should include social networking sites too. It will never do you any good to check your ex's Facebook status - which may only rub salt into the wound. (And in any case, this isn't your job!)

How to Deal with a Break Up -
Transform Negative Feelings into Positive Ones

An important goal of your detox program is to transform your negative feelings into more positive ones. As counterintuitive as it may seem, you can accomplish this by allowing yourself to feel whatever it is that you need to feel. (Life is not a race, and this process may continue for as long as you wish.) Give yourself permission to cry - and find healthy ways to release anger.

Healing a Broken Heart -
Release Your Frustrations

Exercising would be an ideal way to release your frustrations. (Kickboxing, anyone?) Often writing helps as well. During your time of healing, try composing detailed, emotional letters (which you should NEVER actually mail to your ex!) or pen explicitly detailed journal entries - in which you spill out all of your pain. Or find your old sketch book (or make a new one) and draw some colorful pictures. You can also try venting your feelings through an Internet pen pal site. All of these activities will be cathartic in your healing a broken heart.

How to Deal with a Break Up -
Create a Mental Makeover for Yourself

The last component of any Relationship Detox will involve a mental makeover. You'll need to work hard to change your thinking by reframing the negative thoughts that are no longer serving you. For instance, you may be thinking: "I'll never find anyone as good as him." Instead of reminiscing about all the sweet nothings he whispered into your ear, think of all the qualities you found annoying instead. It may help to carry around a list of all the quirks that you've so conveniently forgotten. Soon, you'll have a more realistic view of both yourself and your relationship.

Healing a Broken Heart Tip # 2:
Regaining Your Self-Esteem

The days immediately following a breakup are incredibly difficult, as your wounds are fresh and ugly. Detoxing is hard work, and you will surely feel worse before you feel better. In time, you will achieve peace and happiness. But until then, you must stop rehashing all of the details of your first date and start doing things that will benefit you instead. It's important that you focus on regaining your self-esteem. Here are some options to consider:

Connecting with others: The time after a breakup is perfect for meeting new people and getting together with old friends. Your closest companions and family will understand the process of healing a broken heart, and they'll likely be supportive and understanding.

Take advantage of inspired learning: If there's an adult education program nearby, consider signing up for a few classes. The time just following a breakup is ripe for gaining insights and inspiring personal growth. Take advantage of this special opportunity to become a better person.

Cultivating your interests: Sign up for a local hobby club or Meetup group, join a gym, or dabble with photography or gourmet cooking. There's nothing like the jovial atmosphere in a cooking class to take your mind off your ex.

Loving yourself: Take good care of your physical and emotional well-being by doing whatever it takes to satisfy your needs. Need to cuddle? Adopt a dog. Miss that special touch? Get a massage. Do what makes you feel good, and do it just because you're worth it!

How To Deal with a Break Up By
Looking for The Life Lesson

Perhaps the best way you can learn how to deal with a break up is by being open to the opportunity for personal growth and transformation. If you explore the nature of your relationship through your thoughts, writing, or with a counselor or relationship coach, you will gain some valuable insights. If you feel like contacting your ex after several months have passed and you've had closure on the relationship, he or she may be able to offer you some feedback that can help you in future relationships. (This depends on the situation, as some ex couples will never be able to sit and discuss their previous relationship over tea!)

Whatever the case may be, do not get stuck in the past. Your relationship failed for a reason. Focus on the present, and live for the future.

If you follow these tips for healing a broken heart, you will find truth in the age-old adage: Whatever doesn't kill you will surely make you stronger!


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